Have you ever worked for or with someone who treated you with disdain, disrespect, or downright contempt? How did it make you feel? Even if you’re the most confident person on the planet, you’re not immune to the unwarranted nastiness of others.
We’ve all heard that children live up or down to our expectations of them. That’s also true of adults, whether they’re our family members, friends, employees, or coworkers. When you expect the best of people, they tend to deliver exactly that: the best they can offer. Most people want to excel, to do good work, and to contribute to the success of those around them.
Lift people up with your words. Tell them that they’re doing a great job. I’m not talking about empty compliments here. I’m talking about constructive, honest, specific feedback when someone does something well, e.g.: “I’m impressed by how you handled the Baker contract, Emma. Their reps had some difficulty articulating exactly what they wanted, but you asked the right questions and delivered a custom-designed product. Great work!”
I recently accompanied my teenage son and the rest of his high school orchestra on a field trip to a nearby school for what’s called a Music Performance Assessment. At the last minute, the music teacher was unable to attend, so the music intern was in charge. He’s a college senior who is finishing a degree in music and music education, and he’s been working with my son and his peers for all of four months. Not only did he evoke stellar performances from his charges, he successfully herded 60 silly, giggling teenagers around an unfamiliar school for several hours, ensuring that they were seated and ready to perform at the appointed times and that they all got to eat lunch before heading home—all the while being interrupted by an almost-constant barrage of questions from students and chaperones alike.
In the teeming orchestra room back at my son’s school, the intern made his way over to another mom and me to thank us for chaperoning the trip. I made a point of complimenting him on his obvious conducting prowess and also on his ability to transform what could have been a disastrous day into something quite enjoyable.
“You handled the logistics like a pro,” I said. Everyone standing within earshot agreed. It felt good to give someone a well-deserved compliment, and he seemed to truly appreciate hearing it.
When you deliver positive feedback with genuineness and humility, the people around you will not only work harder to overcome every difficulty and roadblock at work, they will more than likely carry their newfound confidence into every other area of their lives and become better spouses, parents, children, and friends. It’s a win-win all around.
We all need encouragement. We all need to hear that we’re doing a good job and making a difference, even if it’s just in our own little corner of the world.